Night Time
by theactonbell
Summary: Follows the events of Jane's jump in S5Ep12/S5Ep13 because the scene and the displayed emotions at the harbour indicated so much more than what was so disappointingly shown on TV. Short four shot. Slightly AU.
1. Part 1

**Hello again, lovely readers. Today I offer you the first part of a short little four shot inspired mostly by the lyrics of the song "Night Time" by the amazing "The xx".  
****Here we go, hope you like it. Cheers.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, don't own the music. Just having fun.**

* * *

_You mean that much to me_

_And it's hard to show_

_Gets hectic inside of me_

_When you go_

_Can I confess these things to you_

_I don't know_

_Embedded in my chest_

_And it hurts to hold _

* * *

Paul Wescourt's empty car finally comes into view, neatly parked on the deserted bridge. Jane sighs in relief. It had been a nerve wrecking drive accompanied by countless swears and honks, trying to get through the busy streets of late night Boston. The shiny car looks vacant and when she stops the car, her eyes are already scanning her surroundings highly alert. There is something about this Jane, that fascinates you. This urge to save people, no matter where and no matter the personal consequences. _Suicide. _Jane had said that this was the most likely scenario. A frightening scenario that enhances your uneasiness regarding the empty bridge and car. _This can't end well._

When Jane opens the car door to step out, you hesitate. You don't know what to expect because concerning these highly dangerous situations, this is this is not your profession, it's Jane's . You're not known for acting on instinct, a trait that is most definitely needed here. Still you follow her and stand next to her, surveying the bridge for any sign of Paul. _You support her._

When Jane walks towards the parapet, you want to follow her, but she turns back and motions to the car. "Stay back, I have to do this on my own now, otherwise he could get scared." Her message is clear and her stance radiates the usual, fierce authority and protectiveness. You should know better, but you have to try make her stay anyway, so you start to protest. Your approach is immediately nipped in the bud by her upturned hand, so you stay back as she goes further down the bridge. Your heart is beating wildly because you now that this here is dangerous, risky and everything can happen.

"Be careful." _Please let her stay safe_. Your whispered plea is swept away by the wind, as is your wish for her to stay safe because Jane is already climbing over the iron construction. You want to go to her and tell her that this person isn't worth the risk, but you know that Jane Rizzoli never leaves anybody behind. So you stand there, helplessly watching your best friend trying to save somebody else. Your thoughts turn bitter, the longer you watch her. _She had just gone without you again. Had left you behind. Again._

As soon as she's on the other side of the railing, you have to turn away, not able to bear the sight in front of you. When you hear a loud splash, your heart stops. _Oh, no._ You yank your eyes back to where she had been before, but she's not there anymore. You cautiously walk towards the railing, fearing the worst. The night is uncomfortably dark and your only help to find her is the pale light of the few lanterns. She could be anywhere further down the bridge. Your panic increases when your eyes frightfully roam the deserted bridge and you still find nothing. Nobody._ Oh, Jane._ Your anxiousness increases unbearably the longer you look for her, and your stomach tightens in the worst of ways. _Where could she be?_

Suddenly, you catch a glimpse of a black something moving at the other end of the railing. "Jane! Jane, wait! Jane, please!" You run towards the figure, your lungs hopelessly trying to hold up with your sudden increase of speed. You're almost there now, you can see her wild black curls blowing in the strong wind. Only a few more strides and you'll have reached her._ Only a few more strides and you would be there to help her, to keep her safe. _Then all of a sudden you hear a fearful cry and moments later another loud splash follows.

No.

_No, no, no, no, Jane._ You reach the railing breathing hard, but she is gone. _Gone. _"Jane.." You whimper as you try to focus your gaze on the endless swirls of deep black water, franticly seeking something that looks like Jane, something that could reassure you that she was still alive. But you only catch sight of waves. Nothing but angry foaming waves. You start to hyperventilate then, clutching the iron bars so fiercely, making your knuckles crack. She had jumped. And now, she was gone, lost in the uncontrollable force of nature.

Your eyes begin to water and soon you're crying unabashedly, the reality of your loss hitting you with full force. How could she? How could she abandon you again, after all that had happened in these past months? You get angry. You haven't been this angry at her since the incident with your father. Why did she always have to be so reckless, so self-sacrificing during these work situations? Why didn't she ever put her family first? Why didn't she ever put you first? Did your fears and worry and love mean nothing to her? A crushing feeling of rejection fills your body. She was your everything and you, you weren't important enough for her to stop. Nobody was important enough to make her stop.

You are pulled out of the excruciating train of thought by the shrill ringing of your phone. _Korsak_. You take a deep breath, trying to get yourself under control, trying to overcome this pain that is paralysing your body. Because this was no time for personal rage or worry, a detective was missing and now everything had to be done in order to find them and keep them alive. That was the utmost priority, nothing more, nothing less. But personally, for you, it was the only way to stay sane.

You eventually take the call, trying to organise and mobilise backup and search parties. Korsak seems shocked and you can hear the worry in his voice, but you stay strong and professional, giving all the information he needs. When the call is finally over, you are exhausted, emotionally and also physically. But you know, that this will be a sleepless night filled with hours of uncertainty and helplessness.

However, you won't let yourself rest until Jane is alive and safe. _With you._ Searching, you let your eyes glide over the moving body of water one last time. _Come on, Jane. Where are you? Please stay alive. Fight. Fight for me._ _I need you._ After some time passes by without any trace of her, you give up. Defeated. While returning to your car, your thoughts go back to when she was still with you. Only an hour prior she was living and breathing the same air as you. You had planned to ask her out for a movie night at your house, but that was before. Before now. Regrets push through, filling your burning eyes with tears once more. _You let her go. It was your fault. She could die and you would lose her because of you. You would never forgive yourself, if something happened to her, if she died._

And with that last thought you drive into the dark, unpredictable night, hoping to find answers for your doubting and hurting heart.


	2. Part 2

**A/N: Hello there. I'm back with the second instalment and actually proud of how fast this update came together. As always, I thank you all for your interest and support. It really means a lot. Hope you like the continuation. Now on with the story...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the character's minds. **

* * *

_I couldn't spill my heart_

_My eyes gleam_

_Looking in from the dark_

_I walk out in stormy weather_

_Hope my words keep us together_

_Steady walking but bound to trip_

_Should release but just tighten my grip_

* * *

It had been a dreadful night. Countless boats and helpers had continuously searched the dark waters for any sign of Jane or Paul, but every time they returned to the busy harbour grounds they came back empty handed. Each time this tiny sliver of hope in your heart became smaller and smaller.

The emotional stress was really taking its toll on you. You hadn't eaten or drunk anything and you barely talked. You tried to isolate yourself from the others by standing at the edge of the harbour wall, following the boats with your eyes, praying for Jane to be alive. You didn't want to see your fear reflected in the others eyes. At one point, after the last search party of the night had come back without any news, you even had to go and hide in your car because it had just become too much. Time was running out and the chance of survival was quickly becoming non existent. You were a doctor, you knew this without needing it to be confirmed by the authorised medical team.

You had cried bitterly, your sliver of hope finally shattered to pieces because you knew your mind was beginning to give up. Your heart, though, was for once furiously fighting against the overpowering truth of scientific facts. Every beat tried to tell you she was not lost and that you had to be the strong person you usually were. Everything was so different when it came to Jane, confusingly so. Your heart had not ever won over your mind before. Why should it now? _Because of_ _Jane._

You did not only have to be strong for yourself but also for the others. You had noticed how bad this affected Korsak and Frankie. After the loss of Frost the team had become closer than ever with Jane as its striving force. You didn't want to imagine what would happen if she was gone as well. _You couldn't._ And even more so Angela. She had been forced to stay at home, her turmoil had been expected to be a too big distraction and hindrance for the implementation of the search. She would never get over the loss of her only daughter.

You were surprised at how well Frankie was holding up, being the professional he was expected to be. He reminded you of Jane in these situations that it hurt deep down in your chest. When he came to approach you at the edge of the water, you were not able to look him in the eyes because you knew in the end it was your fault. _You failed them all. You let her jump._

Sleep had not been an option. Everybody had worked through the whole night, drawing up innumerable scenarios and locations for where Jane and Paul could possibly be right now. But all the effort had been to no avail, they had vanished. _Jane was gone_.

* * *

With the rising sun came another tide of tiredness, making your eyes ache with the unwanted wish of sleep. Even if you yearned for the comfort of your protecting sheets, home and your bed weren't an option right now. _Jane was._ Because the longer the search took, the more restless the team got. They were slowly giving up. The only slightly positive news was that they hadn't found any dead bodies yet. _Jane is alive and they will find her_. _They will._

Sometime around eight Korsak brought coffee and a tiny something for you to eat. You cherished the steaming hot liquid, but didn't touch the food. Even though you hadn't eaten for hours, you weren't hungry. You were much too distracted by trying to stomach the troublesome anxiety and guilt that had found its way into your body.

The hours passed by and the rising tension and frustration were becoming more and more noticeable. Frankie's hand was constantly brushing through his hair and his feet were caught in an nervous dance, making him not able to stay in the same place for longer than a few seconds. Korsak's slight frown had deepened and his usual patience had made way for a tightness that expressed itself in continuous cursing and heavy sighing. _They had lost their hope as well._ And you, you were playing with the hem of your shirt, desperately trying to suppress the replaying images of the incidents last night and the threatening tears that burned in your eyes. _Why had you let her jump?_

* * *

The sun is high in the bright blue sky when you go to the edge of the water once more, surveying the moving sea, making out the search boats that are skimming through the gentle waves. _Oh Jane, where are you?_ Frankie comes up beside you and for the first time you look him in the eyes and speak out what has been torturing you since the fateful jump. "I should have stopped her." Your following sigh and shake of head do nothing but increase the guilt and regret of your spoken words.

He places a comforting hand on your shoulder. "There was nothing you could do." _Jane is a survivor_. But unfortunately his sweet words and gesture of comfort don't reach you in the way they were intended to. They bounce off your wall of guilt like drops off a waterproof jacket. You stay silent, breaking away from him and turn back to walk back to the coordination tent when Korsak comes up to you.

His message is clear as you walk back to the tent together. There still is no new information about Jane, but he had called in and managed to organise divers to expand the search. He had also managed to make out an approximate location of where the tide could have taken Jane and Paul. Unfortunately, it was a very large area and pretty far out and not really encouraging. _Jane could be anywhere._

"I can't believe I let her jump." _Why was I so stupid, so naive?_ Your words cut through the silence, but Korsak quickly tries to take the heavy burden off of you.

"You did not _let_ her."

It's new for you, the way he backs you up so strongly, so fiercely. _He is a good man._ When he leaves to go to Wescourt's wife he even hugs you. You cling to him uninhibitedly, cherishing his kind gesture deeply while trying to soak up all the strength he is so readily offering you.

As soon as Korsak has left you go back to the edge of the water with Frankie, trying to feed off on the hope that has freshly returned to your mind and body after the embrace. It seems like Frankie has taken heart of the prior exchange as well, his stance has become upright again and the braveness has returned to his eyes. "Jane's a hell of a swimmer. She could make it out to one of the islands Korsak mentioned." _He believes in his sister, you wish you could too. But you are the logic, scientific person, you have to doubt._

"But what if she didn't?"

And sadly, he has no answer for that.

* * *

The wait has made you restless and edgy. It's hard for you to stand this inability of being able to help, to take real action in the process of the search. During the night you had volunteered on joining a boat, but the offer had been declined by both Korsak and Frankie. They had wanted for you to stay safe, not daring to consider the possibility of another loss from their own ranks.

Frankie had gone off to call Angela as he had done before, keeping her informed of the momentary situation and its developments. You are back at your usual spot and your gaze wanders back to sea noticing a lone piece of wood bobbing up and down in the current. It looks strangely funny. Suddenly an idea hits you. _Mark, your friend at the 'North Bay Marine Research Station'. _He would probably be able to give you further information about the development of the water, the current and the temperature. Hastily you get out your phone and call him.

* * *

You're just briefing Frankie on the information Mark had just so kindly given you, when an uniformed officer steps up. "Hey, Frankie."

"Yeah?" The officer has an urgent look on his face, making your heart beat pick up speed. _Have they found her? Is she alive or.. or dead?_ "A fisherman thinks he spotted something." Immediately your system is flooded with a strange mixture of emotions. The light flame of hope has widened its range of heat, but at the same time the cold feeling of loss makes you shiver and goosebumps appear on the ivory skin of your bare arms. _Jane_.

He motions for you to follow him and you quickly make your way to the planks. Frankie is right next to you and you're so relieved that you don't have get through this alone. On the way he calls Korsak, telling him about the possible find and you can't ignore the slight excitement that has coloured his voice. _Oh Frankie, who knows, maybe she's dead._ But you can't bring yourself to say that to him because _you_ don't want to disappoint him any further. The real disappointment may be coming in the form of Jane's dead body. And that would be more than enough.

You see the boat right away and your anticipation increases. It seems like the whole place is awaiting the boat, awaiting the clarity everybody has been looking for so long now. Your heart is beating so fast, that you're scared it might jump out of your chest. You come to a halt above the pier where the fisher boat is slowly landing. You barely notice Korsak joining you because the importance of this blinds out everything around you. This might be one of the most crucial days and situations of your life, so when the boat docks you can barely breath. _Please let her be alive. Please, please, please._

There is a lot of commotion going on below, but your eyes are solely fixed on the little cabin on the boat. _Will they be carrying out bodies or will she really have survived?_ Then suddenly two figures appear on the deck. Your gaze falls onto black tresses of hair and you know. You know it's Jane. _Alive_. The heavy weight leaves your body instantly and you almost lose your balance from this feeling of lightness. _Relief_. You close your eyes and let out a long and heavy sigh. A single tear escapes your hooded eyes. _She made it. She's still here. She didn't leave you._

Frankie is the first to act and runs down the steps to the wooden pier below. "Jane. Janie!" She looks up, tired and weak. You hesitate to follow because you don't know how to react when she's finally in your arms, when you finally can feel her again. But the happiness of seeing her overrules your doubts and slight apprehension, so you make your way down to where Frankie has locked her into an tight embrace.

When he lets her go she's standing in front of you. Tired and frail looking, but so very much alive. _Oh Jane. My tired hero. I was so scared and now you're here. You did not leave me. I need you, I know that now. Always. _The look of relief and love in her eyes makes you go to her and hold her. "I've never been so happy to see you." Her vulnerable words cause something in your chest to shift. A unknown barrier of your heart is being lifted and it makes the impact of her message so much more intense, so much more worth.

_I love you._

She leans into you and it's so wonderful, the way her body fits perfectly into yours. This moment here with her seems so intimate and you want to tell her everything that has been on your mind these last 15 hours. You want to tell her about the revelation you had regarding her since apparently she had missed you too, needs you as much as you need her. But you stay silent and keep on holding her because you don't really know how to say these things to her with all the people watching and bustling around. Unfortunately the moment is lost when you become aware of her drenched clothes and are reminded of the incident that caused them to be wet. _She had jumped. She had put other needs before you. _And the baleful thoughts all merge into one, the most powerful one.

_She can't feel the same_.

It stings and you have to step back. You can't have her this close anymore, when you know that she doesn't want you, that she doesn't need you the way you need her. She looks confused and scared when you move out of her embrace. It pains you even more, that you have to let her go. And yet, somehow you can't fully abandon her, no, not Jane. _Because you want her_. So you reach out for her one more time, giving yourself one more chance to tell her, to see if you maybe _are_ on the same page. "I'll see you at my office."

With that you're gone, telling Korsak to take good care of her as you make your way up the stairs. Tears are starting to cloud your vision and you know you have to get out here quickly. You don't dare to look back or you'd crumble and fall apart. You stumble slightly when you get to the top, but you somehow manage to hold yourself upright. _Stay strong. You can't let them see you crying over a rescued detective. Over Jane._

What you do notice is the burning sensation of eyes following your every step. You hope that your flight is enough for her to question what she did. What she did to you. _Please Jane, come to me._

* * *

**To be continued.** **Thank you for reading.**

**A.**


	3. Part 3

**A/N: I changed the number of chapters to four because I find that Maura's feelings needed a deeper exploration before we dive into the actual confrontation between her and Jane in Episode 13. As I said, this is slightly AU and it will become more noticeable starting this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the mistakes.**

* * *

_Night time sympathize_

_I've been working on white lies_

_So I'll tell the truth_

_I'll give it up to you_

* * *

You get into your car in a blur; your head is pounding, your eyes moist and your heart hurting. _What had just happened?_ Your reconciliation with Jane had been intense, too intense perhaps. The wave of feelings her presence had evoked in you, had rocked you to your core. The unfathomable look in her eyes and the sheer need in her words had brought something up from the depths of your soul that you recognised from the past, yet couldn't name nor place in your mind.

This feeling towards her wasn't new, but it had been locked up securely in your subconscious for quite some time now. Since the shooting incident with your father a few years ago you had closed off a part of yourself to Jane, that had caused a certain distance in the way you acted around her, in the way you saw her. Even if it had seemed imperceptible, it had still existed. You know that Jane had noticed, but being Jane, she had never mentioned it, instead carrying on as if nothing had ever happened.

It had hurt, the way she had chosen her own momentary judgement over yours when it had concerned highly delicate matters like your own father. She had shot him even though you had told her not to. It had broken something, something that suddenly had reappeared mended when you looked into her eyes earlier at the harbour.

* * *

It frightens you, this force with which the feeling fills your heart and soul after being absent so long. It wants and needs Jane in ways you haven't thought about in a long, long time and you can't help but think back to the words that had pushed through to the forefront of your mind. _I love you. _Words so strong, so clear, so unusually sentient. They hadn't come from nowhere, but why now? Was it because of the fragile and emotional state caused by the situation or was it because you finally saw the feeling reflected in her dark brown eyes? _Did she love you the way you wanted her to? If yes, then why had she jumped?_

* * *

You take your time driving down the streets of midday Boston. People are crowding the streets everywhere, doing errands or strolling through the sunlit avenues. It's truly a picturesque day, the sky is hued in soft blue and tiny white clouds are scattered across it like minuscule drops of splattered paint. The sun is shining gently, dipping everything in a rich and golden light, illuminating the beauty of your home city. You love Boston, you love the balance between its greenness and its buildings, the culture and its history. It's the perfect place for you because for once you feel at home in this wide and diverse world. You feel at home because of your work and the people you have met. _But mostly, you feel at home because of Jane. _

_Jane._ Everything seems to lead back to the beautiful detective, who had made you question her importance and role in your life again today, after jumping off a bridge and risking her life yet again. You know that the intense way you had feared for her was not how you normally feared for a best friend. No, the fear had run deeper, it had felt existential as if her death could break you apart and kill you. _Yet at the moment you are too scared to objectively admit it because the rising uncertainty after your departure poisoned your mind with terrible doubts. _And suddenly you become uneasy about your imminent confrontation with her in your office, it seems too soon, too impetuous. _What were you expecting?_

* * *

As you pass Beacon Hill, you decide to make a detour to your home before going to the office, the need of freshening up overweighs your desire of getting to work and to Jane. You yearn to get the distinctive smell of seawater and sweat off your body, to wash away all the traces of the terrible night before. You want to be clean, you want to be new. Jane can wait.

You turn into your driveway and you notice that it has taken you almost over a hour to get home. You are surprised that no one had texted or called you. Nonetheless, you welcome the calming solitude after spending seemingly endless hours with the team before. It gives you time to think, to organise your thoughts and hopefully also your feelings.

When you enter your house, it's eerily quiet and Angela is nowhere to be seen. You had expected her to be sitting here, waiting for you to tell her about Jane, but gladly she is not there to remind you of the emotional turmoil you had gone through the last days. _Probably Frankie had already informed her and she had gone to be with Jane._

You let out a deep breath and slowly but surely your body is able to free itself of the constricting tension that had settled heavily in your bones and mind. Sadly, you don't have enough time to meditate, that would have given you the focus you need right now. You survey your neatly arranged living area and are about to head for the stairs to your bedroom, when you suddenly notice something on your spotless kitchen surface. A note is placed delicately on light coloured counter. Intrigued, you pick up the white sheet of paper and unfold it.

_Maura,_

_I honestly don't know what to do with my daughter anymore. When Frankie called me last night and told me that she had jumped, I could have strangled her! How could she do something like that to her own mother, her family, to you? I know my daughter is very rash and unreflected sometimes and unaware of how much pain she can inflict with actions like jumping off a bridge, but it doesn't help to tell her, you know yourself that she is too stubborn. I know that you are hurt, but Maura she needs you more than ever right now after all that has happened in these past months. Please don't give up on her. I know how much you mean to her and how much she means to you._

_I trust you, Maura._

_Angela_

_P.S. Hope your day at work went well, there's lasagne in the fridge if you're up to eating. I'm off to Jane's._

You're stunned as you run your eyes over the messy written lines and you can't help but wipe away a few stray tears from your warm cheeks. It touches you, the way Angela wants to make sure you're okay. It makes you feel so motherly protected and you thank all unearthly powers for bringing her into your life. _She is the concerned motherly figure you never had and yearned for all your life._

The note is wonderfully soothing, however, something bothers you. '_I know how much you mean to her and how much she means to you.' _It's strange how this makes you hopeful and doubting at the same time. Had she meant in the usual "she's my best friend" way of looking at the bond you both shared? Or did that mean that other people were seeing something between you that you both hadn't noticed and more specifically had Angela seen something in your friendship that you had missed? _And in your heart you desperately hope for the latter._

* * *

You finally make your way up to your bedroom with your mind still clouded by Angela's words. They accompany you to the shower, where you let the warm sprays of water sooth your tired skin. _Could it be?_ Delicately you wash the smell and dirt off your body, basking in the sweet and comforting smell of lavender. Only now does it occur to you, that you had instinctively used Jane's shower gel which she had left here some months ago. A pleasant warmth settles in your heart. _Jane. It all comes back to Jane. Should you risk it?_

You're unsure._ She is so unbelievably precious to you. _Too precious, so that no matter what, you couldn't lose her, even if she didn't feel the same. It wouldn't matter. After Angela's note, though, you're even more certain now, that something about the way Jane could feel about you was different after finding this look of love in her eyes at the harbour. You have to talk, that is clear. And when you talk, you have to show her how much she means to you, make her see how important it is that she is there for you. _Make her see that you love her._ And then, then you'll see how she will react and maybe she'll open up and stay. _Stay with you, protect you, love you. _

For the first time in days you smile, embracing the new hope and your feelings, fetching new strength for your confrontation with her later. You turn off the water and get out of the shower quickly. You want to get to work as soon as possible now, so you get ready and pack up your things before leaving your house with only one thought in mind.

_Yes, I love her._

* * *

**Thank you for reading, reviewing and all the other support. **

**It's a pleasure writing for you.**

**A.**


	4. Final Part

**A/N: So, here's the last part. I'm not absolutely satisfied with it, but I just had the urge to post something tonight. This is where our little journey ends and where my first multi-chaptered fic ends. I'm so grateful for your support and comments, they do help to improve my writing, even more so since English isn't my first language. However, I don't want to make you wait any longer..**

**Disclaimer: As always I don't own anything but the characters thoughts.**

* * *

_And when the day comes_

_It will have all been fun_

_We'll talk about it soon_

Your car slowly comes to a halt on your designated parking place, before you cut off the engine and take a deep breath. During the drive doubts had suddenly reappeared like pest on freshly weeded beds of flowers, and they had smothered the positive anticipation and confidence down to their roots. The confidence wasn't completely gone since you knew that Jane would not fail to show up and listen to you, but it had suffered greatly in terms of you wanting to confess and lay yourself bare before her.

Entering the building, however, isn't as hard and fraught as you had thought it to be, the inveterate, daily and callous routine of work finally being of use by making you focus on the upcoming tasks in order to break the case after Westcourt had survived and proved his innocence.

You pass the entrance hall with steady steps and come to a halt in front of the opening lift where Frankie is just exiting the metal doors. He approaches you carefully since you haven't talked since this morning, but you feel his affection and concern for you nonetheless when he places his hand comfortingly on your arm. "Is everything alright? Did Jane say anything to make you upset? You left rather abruptly." You wave him off and smile because it's the only thing you can manage now without digging in too deeply.

"No, I just figured it was best for Jane to get home quickly, she seemed rather cold and tired and I didn't want to hold her up. And I thought it might be best to take a shower after all the sea air and sweat that gathered on my skin during the search. I didn't want to come to work smelling like an ancient sea creature." You wrinkle your nose at the thought and it causes a good natured laugh to erupt from Frankie, the prior angsty notion seemingly forgotten. _It feels good._ "Yeah, true. The Maura I know would never turn up to work without being perfectly organised and dressed, even if this ancient sea creature version would be pretty entertaining to see. However, I'd better be off, there seems to be a new lead to the case. We'll catch up later. See you."

And he's off, leaving you alone in front of the lift again. He's such a nice and kind guy and so different to Jane when talking to you. And there it is again. _Jane. _You contemplate just going up to the bullpen, the conversation with Frankie giving you new burst of energy, but you decide against it. _She'll come to you when she's ready_.

So you make your way down to the office, greeting the lab and Susie before settling down at your desk and diving into the open file that had been placed there by a member of your staff. It doesn't take long and your back in your element, analysing and perusing the content for any sign that could help conclude the case, but deep down in your mind, you're waiting for Jane.

_Jane._

* * *

You sense her presence immediately when she steps into your office. Your heartbeat picks up and your hands become slightly sweaty as they close the file you had been looking at for the last hour, sadly finding nothing worth pursuing. _This is it._

Timid and unsure she approaches you, her look unreadable. This sudden change of character unsettles you and your plan of confronting her with this fragile state of feelings you have for her. It would have been easier to deal with if she had been the straight on, no need for comfort Jane you knew, but this Jane here is definitely not the one you had expected.

"How are you feeling?" You don't accomplish more than a simple question, which regardless of its blandness will hopefully break through the awkward atmosphere that has been surrounding you since the harbour. She seems to ponder the question, not knowing how accurate and far she's willing to go with her answer. "Okay. Tired.. bruised." She decides to play it safe, a notion that keeps your racing mind deeply unsatisfied.

You notice both her hands placed behind her back as she comes to stand before you. Her opaque nervousness is easy to detect by her pushing a shiny golden paper bag into your hands with a short and hasty explanation that does nothing but to increase your confusion."The only thing I could afford without taking a second mortgage." You decide to let go of confronting her sarcastic humour, the content of the bag having piqued your interest too much. _She even bought you something. To apologise?_

You cautiously open the beautiful bag and pull out a delicate and well known glass bottle. You had loved this fragrance since coming to Boston. It had been one of your first finds here and you think back fondly to this little shop on the corner of Newbury Street where you had fallen in love with it instantly. You can't remember telling Jane about it as you had used it prior to meeting her, but probably she had seen it in your bathroom at one of her countless stays at your home.

The gesture is enticingly sweet and in a way you have to downright restrain yourself from taking her in your arms and thanking her in a more intimate manner, but the past hours lie heavily on you and something like that just doesn't feel appropriate. You look up and see her eagerly awaiting your response, her eyes flitting over your face as if she could find a thousand answers to her offering by just looking at you. Luckily, you're not that easy to read. "It's my favourite." Short and to the point, without any decorating words and phrases. She doesn't deserve anything else after deflecting before. Still it's fascinating to see how quickly the disappointment fills her eyes and the prominent line on her forehand appears at your comment. She doesn't say anything, but goes and sits down on your couch, facing you.

"Is this.. was this the way you wanted to apologise for what happened? For jumping?" You have to know because if yes then it isn't enough. It isn't enough for you to risk everything because even if the gift is attentive and nice and somewhat unlike Jane, it isn't the sign, the indication you are looking for. _The one you found at the boat._ She stays silent, so you try again. "I mean it's sweet, Jane, very sweet, but.. How did you know about it being my favourite, I didn't ever tell you about it..?"

She meets your eyes at this, her features indicating a slight hurt and the nervousness from before. _Why was she acting like this? It was only you, her best friend. _"You've been using it almost every day since I met you and I thought it was nice, something that would surround you the whole day and every time you'd smell it, it would remind you of my promise to never leave you." Her raspy voice is more pronounced than usually, which you ascribe to her discernible tiredness and anxiousness. Nevertheless, it's soothes you more than you had expected.

You don't know what to say because still her core intention is unclear to you, even if her explanation now came closer to the one you had wished for. "I'll never leave you, Maur. I can just promise it again. Ma said, that you were pretty upset during the search and even cried. I'm sorry I scared you. It's just that I didn't think about you and my family before I jumped. I didn't even think about myself, the only person I thought about was Paul." She chuckles humourlessly, not able to meet your gaze anymore, instead focusing on her hands, wringing them together like a child that knows it's in trouble.

You don't want to leave her hanging any longer, not liking the desperate and grave atmosphere that had grown back into the room. "Well, I guess that's the instinct that makes you such a good cop." You try to smile, in order to build her up and turn her back into the Jane you know and adore. She can't hide the smirk at your comment and you almost believe that you have her back until the dark and unreadable look returns in her eyes. "Mh, and maybe a bit hard to love." Your heart skips a beat. _Love. _There it is again, the word that has been haunting you for days now, years even.

A flood of feelings rushes through you like a deep breath of cold air and you can't help but jump onto her response. "I was just afraid that I'd lost you. Gah, I just kept thinking that I didn't do enough to help you. I.. Why didn't I go and help you talk Paul down? Or why didn't I stop you from going over the railing? Why wasn't I closer to grab you? I really don't know what I would have done if you had died, Jane." Tears start forming in your eyes, but you will them to stay put. You want to stay strong. "Please don't.. don't do something like that ever again. I can't take it. I _love_ you too much." And then it's out, floating through the air of your office, waiting to be attacked and suffocated.

You close you eyes, tears finally falling down your blushed cheeks, when you hear a sharp intake of breath. _Stupid. How could you?_ Now everything was over and Jane would leave you because this was certainly too much. You hear her get up, but you don't dare to open your eyes, the fear of rejection paralysing every cell in your body. You don't know what you feel first, her breath on the soft skin of your face or her hand caressing your knee, but the sensation is so intense that your eyes fly open and you're met with warm and loving brown swirls of colour.

"Why are you crying? Shh.. it's okay, it's only me. Please stop crying, Maura." Her words are so sweet and loving, but you don't understand why. Hadn't you just uttered the unforgivable, smothering and confining sentence that left absolutely no room for friendship and opened an area which was highly sensitive and the unspoken with Jane and anybody else? The caress continues and now her fingers are even freeing you of your traitorous tears.

"I think I have to be honest with you now, Maura." You're glad she's speaking again and taking action in this scary and confusing situation. "I _did _think of something else when I was in the water and trying to swim towards the shore. I.. I thought about how I had to survive because I had to get back to you. I needed and _need_ to tell you something very important now because life's too short for cowards like me and I became aware of that while I was trying to keep myself and Paul from drowning. I meant what I said when I told you, that I had never been more happy to see you, but the actual thing.. the thing I wanted to tell is, that I.." All of the sudden she stops talking and before you can question her, her soft lips are on yours. You tense up immediately, countless sensations making their way through your system to your heart. You're too shocked to react, but she keeps you in place, offering a steady pressure which you slowly embrace and work against.

It's delightful when you finally and fully surrender to her sudden action, taking your time to explore the texture of her lips and mouth, acquainting yourself with her unique taste. Time doesn't matter and it's seems like years until you both are eventually ready to separate. The second your eyes meet is definitely your favourite moment so far. No word or even dictionary could describe the look of love and adoration that turns brown into deep, liquid gold.

You rest your forehead against hers and enjoy the comfortable silence, which is finally surrounding you again. "I wanted to tell you on the pier, but you walked away so soon and it felt so rejecting that I wasn't sure anymore. I'm sorry, but I had to be sure because I'm not as brave as you are in that sense, Maura." Her vulnerability is heartbreaking and you want to fight it with all the fierce full love you have for her and are finally able to show. "It doesn't matter anymore, Jane. At least the jump was good for something." She moves her head down to your shoulder, quiet laughter following its wake. "You're a wonderful person, Maur. I couldn't ever leave you. I love you."

When the words hit you, your heart explodes into thousands lights that extinguish every lingering dark doubt and thought in your body, filling your eyes with a glow, that had never been there before. _She said it, she really said it. _You can't help but lean in to kiss her when the door to your office suddenly opens and Frankie stumbles in.

"Oh, shit!" He turns away embarrassed, yet he doesn't leave. "Sorry, I just came for Jane. Korsak says we have her, it's the wife. Do you want to come or rather stay here?" Jane looks at you, asking for permission before getting up and joining Frankie at the door. "Let's get her." Frankie has already left when she turns back and steals another short kiss. "I'll be back soon. How about we continue this new adventure tonight at your place? I'll bring takeout." She grins at you before disappearing, leaving you with a slightly dazed look on your face.

That was the Jane you knew, confident and always surprising._ Was it true? Was she really yours now ? _In the corner of your eye you notice the small glass bottle that had set this whole thing in motion, and yes in some unbelievable way it seemed to be true. Slowly, you make your way back to your desk, sit down and resume working through the files, even if the need for leaving everything and going home in order to prepare and wait for Jane is pounding in every cell of your body.

Yet fortunately, she's never very far from your mind, her confession earlier giving you all the motivation and certainty you need. You're happy and glad that everything has turned out this way, even if this incident only marked the beginning of your joined future. The most important fact about the whole process, though, is that you_ know_ now. Know what she means to you and what you mean to her.

_Yes, she loves me, too._

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading.**

**Any final thoughts?**

**A.**


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